I let the trash pile up in the garbage can until it was an appropriate mixture of raccoon-baiting garbage - one bag of Jack in the Box, one bag of Carl's Jr., one Hot Pocket box, two boxes of cereal and thirty six cans of Diet Pepsi. I had done research of the internet variety on what kind of garbage appeals to the raccoons' senses and I felt good about this mixture. As I bagged up the trash, I remembered this comment someone left me on my MySpace that I had previously ignored...

"He's not my raccoon. I don't know him. I don't know his name. I don't know anything about his alleged criminal activities. I've never helped him rape marcupials. And I have no idea why they call him 'Snow Man.' So STOP SNITCHING!"

Why I ignored this comment until this very moment, I honestly don't know. Sure I've been binge drinking and learning how to dance the Chicken Noodle Soup but that's no excuse. Obviously the reveal - if it is true - that "they" call the raccoon "Snow Man" is gigantic, although I'm not sure why yet. I do know that it is also the moniker of rapper Young Jeezy, which very well could suggest a connection between Jeezy and the raccoon. Snow is a slang term for cocaine. Maybe the raccoon is a foot soldier, a trafficker of cocaine. This is all just speculation on my part, but I'd say there's an 85% chance it's accurate.

All of this speculation has left me with a choice. Should I try to trap the raccoon on my own, or should I try to contact the individual who contacted me about trying to contact the raccoon?

Many other, lesser people in this situation would try to be a hero, rent a sniper rifle with tranquilizer darts, night vision goggles and embark on a dramatic attempt to ensare the raccoon. But not me. I remember that we live in a post 9/11 world where Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin can be killed by a Stingray. And if the Crocodile Hunter can be killed by a Stingray than the Raccoon Blogger "lookatthatfuckingthing!" could certainly be killed by a raccoon. I've decided I should go into the raccoon trapping process with as much information as possible. Therefore, I will reach out to this Aram...hopefully for a meeting...where I can interrogate him, get as much info on "Snow Man" the raccoon as possible, and hopefully bring him to his family...or to justice, whichever is necessary.