I've been hesitant to talk about this...I don't want to be labeled a "snitch," particularly in a world where thugs walk around wearing "Stop Snitching" T-Shirts and pistol whip children who have had their lunch money stolen. However, given the recent raccoon attack, complete with helicopter-fueled police assault, I feel it is my duty as a citizen of Westwood Village, Los Angeles, California to report the following comment that was left on my MySpace page several weeks ago:

"You found [my raccoon]!? Tell him we miss him and we forgive him for what he did. We're not mad anymore, we just want him to come home."

Given the raccoon's crimes (animal rape, reckless behavior, conspiracy to commit organized crime), I don't want to drag a fellow citizen in to this mess - the jail time for "Human Accomplice to Criminal Wildlife Behavior" are steep. However, if this message is true - and that is, clearly, a big if - I think it could reveal some facets of the raccoon's personality that may just lead to its capture.

The most important question to ask is what did the raccoon do that he now must be forgiven for? Was it something as simple as pissing on the floor or upending the garbage in search of buried treasure? Or could it have been something more complex, like fornicating with a stuffed animal or bringing over too many friends for a disastrous raccoon party when his owners were gone? Maybe it just stole some jewelry...who knows. It is also interesting that this possible raccoon owner wouldn't use the raccoon's real name, instead calling it "[my raccoon]" - why would that be? It is, certainly, something we should investigate. The point being that in trying to understand the raccoon's next move, it is important to do our due diligence and first try and understand its past.

If indeed the raccoon had a human family, that could explain why he approached Loren with such timidity and longing when she saw him outside our apartment building. Perhaps he didn't just want a cigaretter - perhaps, he just wants a new family. Perhaps his attacks on Westwood are his way of lashing out at his old family, of trying to draw attention to himself in order to get help. Perhaps, the raccoon is not our enemy but our friend....